Convincing a strong, independent 93-year-old to give up some of her freedom is no easy task. It’s a process that requires patience, love, and understanding. After five years of conversations and visits to various assisted living communities, my mom was finally ready to make the move. She had been living in a condo near us since my dad passed away, but it became clear that she needed the next level of care.
The Transition
My sister and I found a place just ten minutes away. We made the move in March, and I stayed with her that first weekend to help her settle in. It was my own “sleepover study,” where I stayed the night, ate every meal with her in the dining room, and showed her around. Overall, it was a good experience, but it wasn’t without its challenges.
Those first few days were all about helping her get used to her new apartment and the community’s rhythms and introducing ourselves to everyone we met. I wanted her to feel welcomed and for the residents and staff to embrace this “new kid on the block.”
The Emotional Rollercoaster
The first few months were tough. Mom would call every day, sometimes crying, asking me to come get her. Hearing things from her that I’d never heard before was heartbreaking. My sister and I knew it wasn’t about how she was treated but more about the drastic change in her routine. What gave me comfort was the positive impression I had of the place. I liked how the community was designed and operated, and I believed that, in time, Mom would come to feel the same way.
Design Observations
As someone who works in senior living design, seeing the community up close gave me new insights. The spaces were well-thought-out and generally visually appealing, although slightly dated. When designing communities, it’s crucial to consider what the residents’ adult children find appealing, as they often make the decision. Equally important is creating spaces that make staff feel valued, as retaining great staff is essential.
The grand lounge is a popular spot where Mom and her friends gather every evening after dinner. Having ample room for walkers and wheelchairs, along with side chairs that can be pulled into the circle, is incredibly helpful. The dining room also needs plenty of space between tables, and chairs with casters, making adding an extra seat for a friend easier.
While some finishes, like wood chair arms and woven vinyl flooring, haven’t held up well, others have. I appreciate seeing pops of color against the soothing neutrals, and the interesting and unique art and accessories add the perfect finishing touch.
Adjusting to the New Normal
Fast forward five months, and Mom is doing well. She has adjusted, made friends, and is generally happier. Seeing her gather with her new friends around the fireplace after meals brings me so much joy. She was so lonely in her condo, so this new social circle is a blessing. While she doesn’t participate in many activities, she enjoys the ones she does attend. I receive notifications on an app whenever she attends an event or is tagged in a photo, allowing me to see what she’s enjoying in her new home.
A New Extended Family
I visit several times a week, and it’s become more than just seeing Mom. I’ve grown fond of her new friends—Caroline, John, Earline, Mary, Nancy, and others —and the staff who know me by name. It feels like an extended family. I am really thankful for this new home for her.
Final Thoughts
This experience has reinforced what we already know about the importance of thoughtful design in senior living communities. These are commercial spaces, but they become someone’s home. The residents and staff become like family. The thought and care that went into designing these personal spaces have hit home for me, and I now appreciate even more the work of my talented co-workers.
